Love isn't free
You pay its price with your heart.
Title:
Eight
Series:
Love by Numbers #6
Author:
E.S. Carter
Release
Date:
June 13, 2017
Blurb
I'm sorry for
your loss.
Why do people say that?
When someone you love is taken from you, when a part of you dies along with them, you haven't lost them like you would your car keys or mobile phone. They aren't stuck down the side of the sofa or left in the ignition of your car for you to find later. You haven't absentmindedly put them somewhere and forgotten. You will never lose them because they live in you.
The soul crushing hurt that burns your lungs with every breath you take comes from knowing where they are and not being with them.
The ugly and real definition of grief is being left behind.
I'm sorry they left you.
I'm sorry you are alone.
I'm sorry it hurts to breathe.
Loss; it doesn't even compare.
She was my first love.
She is my last love.
I am an empty husk who pretends to be filled with enough love for those of us she left behind.
Our little girl and newborn son need me.
I am both mother and father now.
I am hollow and empty.
I am a shell.
So why does the girl with the face of an angel and eyes that mirror my emptiness, look at me like I'm her everything?
*Book #6 in the 'Love by Numbers' series. Can be read as a standalone.*
Why do people say that?
When someone you love is taken from you, when a part of you dies along with them, you haven't lost them like you would your car keys or mobile phone. They aren't stuck down the side of the sofa or left in the ignition of your car for you to find later. You haven't absentmindedly put them somewhere and forgotten. You will never lose them because they live in you.
The soul crushing hurt that burns your lungs with every breath you take comes from knowing where they are and not being with them.
The ugly and real definition of grief is being left behind.
I'm sorry they left you.
I'm sorry you are alone.
I'm sorry it hurts to breathe.
Loss; it doesn't even compare.
She was my first love.
She is my last love.
I am an empty husk who pretends to be filled with enough love for those of us she left behind.
Our little girl and newborn son need me.
I am both mother and father now.
I am hollow and empty.
I am a shell.
So why does the girl with the face of an angel and eyes that mirror my emptiness, look at me like I'm her everything?
*Book #6 in the 'Love by Numbers' series. Can be read as a standalone.*
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Excerpt
“I can’t remember what I wished for back then. Can you believe that? The bloke who remembers everything can’t recall a single childhood wish.”
I turn away from Isaac, my gaze returning to Ivy who has found a friend, and I watch as they take turns to push each other on the small roundabout.
I could allow this moment to die without fully ensuring that he understands why it’s time for him to go back to his life and take up the amazing job offer Jake has given him. But it’s time to be a man and face things head on.
“I’d only need one wish now. No need to be gluttonous and beg for three,” I confess, the words slipping from my lips and drifting away into nothingness on the breeze.
“One wish would ensure that I’d get to wake up every day with her soft breaths caressing my neck. I’d feel the warmth of her lips on my cheek and the indulgent touch of her fingers on my skin. That one wish would have her heart beating within mine, and I’d forever be a happy man. I’d be rich and wealthy beyond my wildest dreams knowing that I would never have that feeling with anyone other than her.”
I look down at Arthur still happy in his buggy, and I ache for him. I hurt for the love he will never know and the woman he will never get to love in return.
“But wishes don’t come true, Iz. That’s a childhood fallacy we eagerly cultivate to encourage dreams. Life comes with a bigger price tag than juvenile wishes, and love comes at the ultimate cost. It’s not free. It’s the most expensive of all emotions because you pay its price with your heart and there are no refunds or returns. Once you love someone, you will always love them. There is no on or off button. Just because they leave, they don’t take that love with them. It stays as a reminder of what you’ve lost, and you wake up every day and pay that price.”
I turn away from Isaac, my gaze returning to Ivy who has found a friend, and I watch as they take turns to push each other on the small roundabout.
I could allow this moment to die without fully ensuring that he understands why it’s time for him to go back to his life and take up the amazing job offer Jake has given him. But it’s time to be a man and face things head on.
“I’d only need one wish now. No need to be gluttonous and beg for three,” I confess, the words slipping from my lips and drifting away into nothingness on the breeze.
“One wish would ensure that I’d get to wake up every day with her soft breaths caressing my neck. I’d feel the warmth of her lips on my cheek and the indulgent touch of her fingers on my skin. That one wish would have her heart beating within mine, and I’d forever be a happy man. I’d be rich and wealthy beyond my wildest dreams knowing that I would never have that feeling with anyone other than her.”
I look down at Arthur still happy in his buggy, and I ache for him. I hurt for the love he will never know and the woman he will never get to love in return.
“But wishes don’t come true, Iz. That’s a childhood fallacy we eagerly cultivate to encourage dreams. Life comes with a bigger price tag than juvenile wishes, and love comes at the ultimate cost. It’s not free. It’s the most expensive of all emotions because you pay its price with your heart and there are no refunds or returns. Once you love someone, you will always love them. There is no on or off button. Just because they leave, they don’t take that love with them. It stays as a reminder of what you’ve lost, and you wake up every day and pay that price.”
Eight captivated me, it drew me in, it broke my heart and then it put me back together again. I finished it a few days ago but it's taken me a while to put pen to paper and I really hope I have the words to do this beautifully written story justice.
Make sure you have a box of tissues handy or even a reading buddy like I had because you will ugly cry, this is a book that doesn't just talk about grief it throws you right into the middle of a man trying to get his life together after his wife dies having his son, how do you become the father to a baby that every time you look at him you see the woman you thought would be around forever and how do you look into your daughters eyes and give her the answers she so rightly deserves when all you want to do is curl up in the corner......
I hope you pick up a copy of Eight because it's a must read. Eli Carter has given us a book that won't be forgotten it will be read and reread.
This was the first book I have read by E.S. Carter and what a book to start my journey on.
What an emotional roller-coaster of a ride she delivered; from the very start I knew this book was going to be something special.
I was totally blown away by this story. It was as though E.S.Carter tore into my soul. I will admit to ugly crying on several occassions as I read Eight. It was a powerful and emotionally gripping read that I couldn't put down.
My dad died when I was 9 and my mother when I was 13, so I could totally relate to this story and my heart broke for Josh and his family, particularly Ivy and Arthur. Perhaps that is why this story drew me in like no other has this year.
This is a story of devastating loss, the struggle to come back to the land of the living and to slowly re-enter life. It is a painful journey that was beautifully written, heartfelt and emotional.
However, Eight is also about learning to cope with the hand that life has dealt you and knowing that it is okay to take it one step at a time. In the end this story is not only about loss and the journey that it entails but slowly moving on with your life, irrevocably changed and being able to finally find a new future.
Please don't feel that this is a totally sad and depressing story, it is so much more and certainly there are moments of humour and happiness. Josh is on a journey to re-discover life and to make the best of it with his children when Halle enters their lives. Eight is a story of hope.
My emotions were all over the place and in writing this review, I find myself pulled right back in, such was the writing of Ms.Carter. It was gripping, intense and emotionally draining but also very uplifting. The power of hope and love is an amazing thing.
Also
Available in the Love by Numbers series
*NB: Books one
and two are a duet, and should be read in order. All other books in the Love by
Numbers series can be read standalone.
#1 Nineteen
#2 Twenty-One
#3 Three
#4 Thirteen
#5 One
Author
Bio
ES Carter
lives in Cardiff, South Wales. The home of castles, dragons and folklore.
Her family joke that she was born with a book in her hand, and the urge to write stories soon followed.
At eleven, she won her school's literary prize. At ages fourteen to sixteen - her poetry phase after falling in love with Dylan Thomas and e.e. cummings - she had a few poems published, but life, love and family overtook her dreams, and she was in her thirties when she began the scary journey of self-publishing.
Her debut and internationally best-selling series, 'Love by Numbers', are a set of interconnected stand alone romances, all with varying themes of love. From second-chance to romantic comedy and M/M romance. These stories do not need to be read in order, in fact, she is often guilty of advising readers to start at the last book and work their way back through.
Contemporary romance is not the only genre she writes, her second series, 'The Red Order', is as dark and twisted as you can get, but there is beauty there too if you can open your eyes and look.
With many more stories bursting to be set free, she hopes you stay along for the ride.
She loves to connect with readers, so please feel free to friend/follow her on Facebook, IG and Twitter or join her reader's group, E's Elite <3
Her family joke that she was born with a book in her hand, and the urge to write stories soon followed.
At eleven, she won her school's literary prize. At ages fourteen to sixteen - her poetry phase after falling in love with Dylan Thomas and e.e. cummings - she had a few poems published, but life, love and family overtook her dreams, and she was in her thirties when she began the scary journey of self-publishing.
Her debut and internationally best-selling series, 'Love by Numbers', are a set of interconnected stand alone romances, all with varying themes of love. From second-chance to romantic comedy and M/M romance. These stories do not need to be read in order, in fact, she is often guilty of advising readers to start at the last book and work their way back through.
Contemporary romance is not the only genre she writes, her second series, 'The Red Order', is as dark and twisted as you can get, but there is beauty there too if you can open your eyes and look.
With many more stories bursting to be set free, she hopes you stay along for the ride.
She loves to connect with readers, so please feel free to friend/follow her on Facebook, IG and Twitter or join her reader's group, E's Elite <3
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