Just My Type
Romantic Comedy
*Spinoff of The Simple Life, but can be read as a standalone
Amazon: mybook.to/JustMyType
Nook: http://bit.ly/JMTnook
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iBooks: http://bit.ly/JMTapple
Paperback: https://amzn.to/
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Live in the best small town in the world? Check.
Have the greatest job ever working on my family's pumpkin farm? Check.
Marry the town pharmacist and have a nice, quiet life with our son? Check-check.
"Oh, I'm sorry. Did you say you were happy? LOLOLOLOL!" ~ Life
Ember Hastings never thought she'd be dragged away from White Timber and everything she loved, thrust in the middle of a big city she hated, or have her husband of nine years say, "I can't do this anymore," all within the span of three months, yet here she is.
She misses her family, she misses the farm, and she misses having a backbone and caring whether or not the stain on her shirt is chocolate or shit. She works from home doing transcription. Does she really need to shower or leave the house?
Baker Matthews has been bringing everyone down lately with his grouchy attitude. His job is stressful and sometimes depressing, but he wouldn't change anything about it. When a glitch with the transcription company he's using mistakenly sends him notes he wasn't supposed to see, Baker finds himself laughing out loud for the first time in months.
He's never met a woman who says whatever she's thinking and doesn't fawn all over him when she finds out what he does for a living. Until Ember Hastings comes barreling into his life, calling him Shit Mouth and asking if he has any balls.
But she wants to keep this professional. She made him pinky swear, and you don't mess around with pinky swears. Baker will have to get creative if he wants to prove to Ember that he's just her type.
Have the greatest job ever working on my family's pumpkin farm? Check.
Marry the town pharmacist and have a nice, quiet life with our son? Check-check.
"Oh, I'm sorry. Did you say you were happy? LOLOLOLOL!" ~ Life
Ember Hastings never thought she'd be dragged away from White Timber and everything she loved, thrust in the middle of a big city she hated, or have her husband of nine years say, "I can't do this anymore," all within the span of three months, yet here she is.
She misses her family, she misses the farm, and she misses having a backbone and caring whether or not the stain on her shirt is chocolate or shit. She works from home doing transcription. Does she really need to shower or leave the house?
Baker Matthews has been bringing everyone down lately with his grouchy attitude. His job is stressful and sometimes depressing, but he wouldn't change anything about it. When a glitch with the transcription company he's using mistakenly sends him notes he wasn't supposed to see, Baker finds himself laughing out loud for the first time in months.
He's never met a woman who says whatever she's thinking and doesn't fawn all over him when she finds out what he does for a living. Until Ember Hastings comes barreling into his life, calling him Shit Mouth and asking if he has any balls.
But she wants to keep this professional. She made him pinky swear, and you don't mess around with pinky swears. Baker will have to get creative if he wants to prove to Ember that he's just her type.
Excerpt:
“Well, I’m good and truly fucked.”
“If you can say the F-word all the time, I
can say penis whenever I want,” Lincoln announces as I look up from my phone to
find him standing in front of me with his backpack on and his teeth freshly
brushed.
“Okay, fine.” I shrug, grabbing my keys
from the counter and choosing to deal with this problem
right now instead of the Shit Mouth one. “But since I’m the adult, I’ll test it
out first, okay there, penis? Did you pack your penis in your backpack? Did you
study for your penis test?”
“Moooom,” Lincoln whines as I usher him out
the front door.
“What’s wrong, penis? I thought we were
cool with penis,” I say as we get into my car and buckle up. “Turn on the penis
and find a good song. I bet it will be a song about pe—”
“Okay!” Lincoln finally shouts with a
laugh. “It’s not cool when you say it. It’s kind of gross. I won’t say it all
the time anymore.”
Well, I’m not going to win
Mother of the Year anytime soon, but that’s one problem solved.
We spend the rest of the car ride to school
coming up with names for the dog I’m caving on more and more each day, none of
which have anything to do with the male anatomy, thankfully. It’s not until
I’ve dropped my car off at home and headed back out on foot for my Monday
morning coffee ritual that I start worrying about problem number two.
“Jesus, just read the email, Ember. What’s
the worst it could say?” I mutter to myself as I lock up my front door and walk
down the porch to the sidewalk, my cell phone practically burning a hole in my
back pocket with that unread email waiting for me.
I called the client Shit
Mouth. I accused him of not having any balls. And steroid use, just because he
owns a gym. He’s going to rip me a new asshole.
“It’s not like this was my
fault. He never should have seen my notes. I did nothing wrong,” I mutter to
myself again as I reach into my back pocket and pull my phone out when I get to
the end of my front walkway and turn right.
You did so much wrong. He’s
going to murder you. He has your email address now. He could hire himself a
hacker and find out where you live. I really need to stop watching Dateline.
Before I can give myself any more time to
freak out, I quickly open the email as I walk and hold my breath, wondering if
he’ll just call me a bitch, or go right for the kill and whip out the old C U
Next Tuesday. Honestly, for a guy who owns a gym and “looks like he works out,”
he better bring the big guns, or I will have lost all faith in ’roid rage.
Dammit, Ember! That’s what
got you into this mess in the first place.
My breath leaves me in a whoosh,
and I come to a stop in the middle of the sidewalk when I read the email. And
read it again. And one more time, just to make sure I’m not seeing things.
To: Ember Hastings
From:
baker83@gmail.com
Subject: Shit
Mouth Transcription
She twirls her hair
around her finger every fucking time she laughs.
I said purple,
clear as day. Get the shit out your ear.
My balls are where
they always are. Slung over my shoulder, because they’re too big to carry.
(GIGGLES)
I have never, nor will I ever,
use steroids. Drugs are bad. Needles are scary. Shut up. Big, manly men can
have fears too, GOD.
She is definitely not
a professional interviewer. Does Dan Rather drop his pen every fifteen minutes
so he can bend over and show people his cleavage? More importantly, does Dan
Rather have cleavage?
But seriously, DO
I sound like I have shit in my mouth? I feel like you’re lying.
Not Necessarily
Shit Mouth, a.k.a. Baker
5 stars plus
Absolutely hilarious and punny!! This book had me hooked from the first page! Outrageous characters with witty banter that had me snort laughing alot!
Then part way through i couldn’t see through tears of laughter!!!
Where does the author come up with gold like this! She should bottle it! No word of a lie, tears are running down my face!!
Goodness me this book is an absolute delight to read and just what I needed! And what to say about the characters, Ember had a problem with foot in mouth, everything that she spoke was rather witty but also out there!! Sarcasm, quirky Emails, texting, spoken words were just downright entertaining!
Then theres Baker, goodness me, he was swoonworthy and came up with momentus dates! I loved him! I could read about these characters forever!
So much to love about this book! Will there be more?? I sincerely hope so!
Brilliant! One of the best Rom com's I've read this year!
Absolutely hilarious and punny!! This book had me hooked from the first page! Outrageous characters with witty banter that had me snort laughing alot!
Then part way through i couldn’t see through tears of laughter!!!
Where does the author come up with gold like this! She should bottle it! No word of a lie, tears are running down my face!!
Goodness me this book is an absolute delight to read and just what I needed! And what to say about the characters, Ember had a problem with foot in mouth, everything that she spoke was rather witty but also out there!! Sarcasm, quirky Emails, texting, spoken words were just downright entertaining!
Then theres Baker, goodness me, he was swoonworthy and came up with momentus dates! I loved him! I could read about these characters forever!
So much to love about this book! Will there be more?? I sincerely hope so!
Brilliant! One of the best Rom com's I've read this year!
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